My Roles

So, the other day I was thinking about who I am and that led to thinking about the roles I play. Here's the list. I want to get it in a more permanent place than the purple post-it note sitting on my desk. So, in no particular order:

• god-mother
• mom
• aunt
• wife
• hippie
• baseball fan
• techie chick
• friend
• co-worker
• president
• daughter
• sister

If I come up with more, I'll update the list.

A Unique Gift for Rosh Hashanah

Send the Sweetest of all Rosh Hashanah greetings to your family, friends, and business associates.

We will ship a personalized package, including a festive 8-ounce jar of kosher clover honey, a gift card, and the blessing for the New Year, anywhere in the United States. The package will arrive in time for Rosh Hashanah, which begins Wednesday, September 28.

Ordering online is quick and easy. Your cost is $10 per jar, which includes shipping anywhere in the United States if you order before July 31, midnight Eastern time. Shipping outside of the United States is an additional fee. A portion of your purchase benefits ORT America.

Visit www.svort.org and click on the honey jar. Order by July 31st to avoid extra shipping fees.

If you have any questions, email hayley at svort.org.

Thank you for your support of the ORT program.

AIDS: 30 years of an epidemic

Today is the 30th anniversary of the CDC report that first identified a rare form of pneumonia that was later identified as AIDS.
We've come a long way since those early days. An HIV diagnosis is now being considered a chronic disease rather than a death sentence.
The SF Chronicle's article about what is going on in the fight against AIDS is at http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/06/05/MNS91JP3SV.DTL.

I wrote the following blog post five years ago today, on the 25th anniversary.
I've copied it here, the original is at http://chernablog.blogspot.com/2006/06/aids-25-years-of-epidemic.html.


So, today is the 25th anniversary of the CDC report that 5 gay men were treated for a rare form of pneumonia, later to be identified as AIDS. I lived near "ground zero" of the AIDS epidemic. I grew up in San Francisco, in the Haight Ashbury, just over the hill from the Castro. We had gay neighbors, both upstairs and next door. It was no big deal to me that two men were living together in each of those flats. As long as they loved and respected each other, I didn't care what they did in their bedrooms. Heck, I don't care what ANYONE, hetero- or homosexual does in their bedrooms... it's none of my business! (On today's news, I heard a "man-on-the-street" interview at the Gay/Straight Alliance Parade in Los Altos. The man said he didn't *really* have a problem with this sort of thing, as long as they didn't rub it in his face. What the hell does that mean? Does that mean you don't want to see two men holding hands or two women hugging? Fine, then hetero couples shouldn't either. Don't rub it in his face. Sheesh!) Anyway, I digress...

DH sent an email to his family today, mainly what he said at http://mootepoint.blogspot.com/2006/06/grim-milestone.html, except with the following links:

"The SF Chronicle also has several articles online at http://www.sfgate.com/aidsat25. In case you don’t have time to look at all their extensive coverage, here are a couple of highlights:

This 1982 article by Randy Shilts (author of And the Band Played On) is a tear-jerker:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/02/17/DDGVB5133M1.DTL
The article contains a “more things change, the more they stay the same” line: “And when one gay victim of pneumocystis lapsed into a semi-coma, his relatives tried to strike his lover's name from the guest list and forbid him from seeing the dying man”.

This picture is worth a quick look. It’s a heartbreaker that everybody should see as a reminder:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?o=1&f=/c/a/2006/06/04/ING97J7LD31.DTL

I humbly request that everybody take a moment to remember the half million Americans who have died over the last 25 years, the lost generation in Africa, and the continued problem throughout the world--and hope that we can solve this soon. We lit a yahrtzeit candle last night.

I took his email and forwarded it to my mom and sister with the following commentary:


"I'm forwarding D's email to you because we lived at ground zero of the start of the AIDS epidemic.

I remember the friends that disappeared. I remember the guy upstairs who just wanted to die at home when that eviction crap went on. (God help me, I forget his name.)

I was in tears reading the article and picture D. referenced. While AIDS is no longer just a "gay man's disease", I get angered by the young gay men who don't know to remember and don't take precautions because AIDS is now manageable. Why not try to eradicate it than live with it? Look at what's happened in Africa, in poor communities, in our community.

And today, of all days, Bush is giving a speech in favor of a constitutional amendment to ban "gay marriage" and the Senate is debating this issue. Have they no compassion for those who have died? For those who continue to live with HIV/AIDS? "Gay marriage" is not unnatural to me. Again, I think of the guys upstairs and next door on Central. I don't think growing up around the "gay lifestyle" has made me a bad person or weakened my marriage. Sure, D. and I have seen our share of challenges, but frankly, "gay marriage" is not one of them!

I just want to scream at the people who don't want their kids around the "gay lifestyle", at the people who think that their marriage is threatened by "Adam and Steve" getting married. At those people who won't talk about AIDS because it's a "gay disease", a "poor disease", a disease in Africa that doesn't affect us.

D. keeps telling me I had an unusual childhood. Maybe I'm just more enlightened than most folks, but I just don't understand, I really don't and it makes me very sad.

My Rosh Hashanah Drash

Delivered to Keddem Congregation, Erev Rosh Hashanah, 1 Tishrei 5771, September 8, 2010.

L'shana tova! Welcome to Keddem Congregation's High Holy Day services for 5771. If you have been here before, it is good to see you again. If you are new to our community, welcome. I hope you all have a meaningful experience and that you will be back.

I stand before you as the newest President of Keddem, having taken office on July 1. As recently as a year ago, I did not want this job and I had many reasons. One of them was that the idea of writing this drash terrified me.

So, what changed? Why did I agree to take this on?

First, this is an exciting time to be a member of Keddem Congregation. Our Immediate Past President, Esther Heller, had the vision to initiate a long range planning process with the charter to develop a long range plan that would address Keddem's growth and sustainability. The committee was chaired by Lynn Alexander Levine who put in much time and effort. Thank you to Lynn and everyone who participated in this process, including those of you who responded to surveys and attended salon meetings.

Out of the plan the Congregation adopted new vision, mission, and values to guide us.
Our vision is that "Keddem Congregation is a community-led, Reconstructionist Jewish congregation dedicated to discovering, developing and celebrating godliness in ourselves and each other. We practice an evolving Judaism that infuses tradition with new meaning, and is responsive to contemporary life."

As we work our way through the holidays over the next 10 days, I hope you will notice parts of this vision in our machzor, drashot, and interactions.

You can read about the values and the mission in the tri-fold brochure on the table at the back of the room.

Let me point out a few changes to the values. First, we added the value of being Innovative. "It is through innovation that we carve a path of Judaism, rooted in tradition and peoplehood, yet relevant for the present. We welcome and encourage new, creative ideas." Next, we added the value of Compassion. "Just as we seek to recognize the godliness in every other human being, so we at Keddem Congregation respond to each other with the kindness, compassion, respect, patience, and humility that this recognition deserves." Finally, we changed the value of Questioning to Inquiring. "An attitude of inquiry frames learning at Keddem Congregation. We benefit from each other's knowledge and experiences, value diverse opinions, and differing perspectives."

Of course, what came out of the Long Range Planning process was a plan, so we work together toward attaining this vision and living the values.

There are other sections in the Plan with suggestions for growth, the role of the Rabbi, and programming, among other things. The Board of Directors is looking at these suggestions to see what can be implemented near and long term. However, it cannot just be the board putting plans into action.
Another of our values is that we are Participatory. We encourage all members who are able, to participate to make Keddem happen.

So, it is an exciting time at Keddem, change is in the air. Why else did I agree to be President?

Our Yom Kippur morning Torah reading is from Nitzavim, Deuteronomy 29:9-30:20. We read this to "remind us that God's words do not belong to some other people in another time. Rather, they are here, with us, always. We, too, stood, at Sinai."

The first line, Chapter 29, verse 9 reads "You stand this day all of you before Adonay your God." Our ancestors were at Sinai, we, too, were at Sinai. We have a Board made up of nine enthusiastic, awesome individuals. We may start to put a plan in place for growth and programming, as I mentioned before. But, really, it is not just us, the members of the Board. We all stand together, as one Keddem. The helpful answer is "what can we do to help make Keddem happen?" not "we've tried that and it didn't work," or "our committee doesn't do that." In "Hayley-world," most of our members are volunteering within their means and skills to bring oneg, set up for an event, chair an event, or lead a service, among other things. In the real world, we have a fair number of volunteers and I thank each and every one of you for your service, but Keddem needs more. We need everyone who is able, to volunteer, from the smallest task to the largest task, whatever you can do.

Back to Nitzavim, probably the most famous line from this parsha is Chapter 30, verse 19, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your seed may live." For me, choose to stretch beyond my boundaries, challenge the status quo. The alternative is not death, but never knowing if I will succeed or fail.

In taking this job, I realize that I am not alone. In addition to the previously mentioned board members, I have a great support system within the Keddem community. Many of you encourage me when I am unable to encourage myself.

Allow me to share one of my favorite quotes, "Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

That was Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh.


So, yes, a year ago, I could not envision myself up here, talking to you from this lecturn. A lot has happened and I have grown, and I expect that I will continue to grow quite a bit in the next two years. But I will not be growing on my own, we will be growing together, to make sure Keddem Congregation lives the vision, mission, and values that we adopted earlier this year.

L'Shana Tova Tikateivu! May you be written for a good New Year!

© 2010 Hayley Green Smith

**Vision and Values from http://keddem.org/About-Keddem.html.
**Torah quotes from Keddem High Holy Day liturgy.

A Unique Gift for Rosh Hashanah

Send the Sweetest of all Rosh Hashanah greetings to your family, friends, and business associates.

We will ship a personalized package, including a festive 8-ounce jar of kosher clover honey, a gift card, and the blessing for the New Year, anywhere in the United States. The package will arrive in time for Rosh Hashanah.

Ordering online is quick and easy. Your cost is $10 per jar, which includes shipping anywhere in the United States if you order before July 12, midnight Eastern time. Shipping outside of the United States is a small additional fee. A portion of your purchase benefits ORT America.

Visit www.svort.org and click on the honey jar. Order by July 12th to avoid extra shipping fees.

If you have any questions, email hayley at svort.org.

Thank you for your support of the ORT program.

The Saga of the Purple Flowers

There are so many purple flowers on the trellis this year that I decided I had to tell this story.

This story starts in July 1996 when we bought our house. We got a nice-sized (for around here) backyard with a lawn, a couple of Meyer lemon trees, an orange tree, a (topped) Redwood tree, and a patio covered with a vine of some kind.

Move the time needle forward to May 1997 when we got married in that lovely backyard. Our wedding colors were purple, ivory, and black. The plan wasn't to do anything special to the yard, but a friend of mine came over and surprised me by planting some purple annuals to add (my favorite) color to the yard. Otherwise we had the aforementined lawn, Meyer lemon trees, orange tree, green vine on the patio, and the topped Redwood tree, under which stood the chuppah.

Move the time needle forward again, this time a year, to around May 1998. Would you believe that darn vine started sprouting purple flowers?!?!! I couldn't believe it! Where the heck were they for our wedding? They are one of our wedding colors!

So now, every year, we get purple flowers on the vine in early May and they usually last into the first week of June, so we have them for our anniversary. Yay!

Pictures of this year's bloomage:

Purple Anniversary Flowers


Purple Anniversary Flowers on the Vine

Earl Grey, Chamomile, or Green Tea?

I wasn't going to write any more about the Tea Parties that occurred on April 15, however, I saw a sign at the event in Philadelphia that I found truly offensive.

I don't have a problem with people protesting the government, it's a fine American tradition. I do have a problem with the hypocrisy of some of these people. For starters, many of these people called those of us who protest the Iraq War unpatriotic and said we do not support the troops, neither of which is true, in most cases.

Some of the issues being mentioned in conjunction with the Tea Parties include:

• Bank Industry Bailouts (passed during the Bush Administration);


• Too much government spending/large deficits (President Bush ran up a large deficit after being given a budget surplus when he took over in 2001);


• Too many taxes (taxes for people making less that $250k were just cut, you should be seeing more money in your paycheck, if you don't like it, give the money back);


• Obama is a socialist/communist/fascist (where's the proof in this?);
  Obama isn't truly an American Citizen (his birth certificate from Hawaii (which was a state in 1961) should be enough, what else do you need?).

(not a comprehensive list and probably not all participants challenge all points)

Also, don't forget that many corporations don't pay their fair share in taxes, so we, average American taxpayers, make up the difference. From Keith Olbermann: "The US Public Interest Research Group has analyzed a Senate report from 2008 that showed just how much we lose each year in tax revenues hidden by corporations in places like the Cayman Islands... these opportunities grew during the Bush Adminisration...$100 Billion dollars/year! By state: Texas & NY each lose $8 Billion, Califonia $11 Billion(!), DC $713 Million; Alaska $174 Million. Where's the outrage?"

I do not agree with the position of these people, but I do support their right to freedom of speech and to peaceably assemble. However, this sign, seen at a tea party in Philadelphia is unacceptable:

"The American Taxpayers are the Jews for Obama's ovens."

Can someone who supports this movement tell me why this is okay and how it would convince people to support the movement?

I don't think I need to explain why this is offensive, but let me make this perfectly clear, the Obama Administration is not searching out specific groups of people and systematically murdering them. How in the HELL is this even comparable? These protesters are certainly entitled to their opinions, but when they start with this kind of crap, I won't even give them the time of day to hear what they have to say.

Remembering Shabbat Zachor

I presented the kavanah (literally intention) before last night's synagogue board meeting. I remembered only the day before that I had agreed to do this. I scoured my books looking for something along the lines of community, long-range planning, or other items on the agenda. I couldn't find anything that I liked, so I turned to this week's parsha. I still don't know much about this week's parsha, but I learned that it is Shabbat Zachor, one of four special Shabbatot during the year. I did some look ups on "the Google" and left my brain to noodle on it overnight. I present my final copy.

Zachor et asher-asah lecha Amalek baderech betsetchem miMitsrayim.

"Remember what Amalek did to you on your way out of Egypt.
When they encountered you on the way, and you were tired and exhausted, they cut off those lagging to your rear, and they did not fear God.
Therefore, when God gives you peace from all the enemies around you in the land that God your Lord is giving you to occupy as a heritage, you must obliterate the memory of Amalek from under the heavens. You must not forget." (Deut 25:17-19, translation from Navigating the Bible.)

Purim is next week, which means that this Shabbat is Shabbat Zachor. For those who don't know or who don't remember what Shabbat Zachor is, it is the Shabbat before Purim, literally the Shabbat of Remembering (See how I did that? Those who don't remember…)

We are told that we must remember what Amalek did to us, we must tell every generation. Apparently it is a mitzvah that will be fulfilled only when the memory and name of the Amalekites has been erased from the world. I've never written a d'var torah before, there are different ways I could go if I were:

• the idea that there is a problem with the idea of this mitzvah being fulfilled since the name Amalek is in the Torah, or


• the violence associated with the idea of obliterating the Amalekites (kind of like how we like to reconstruct the end of the Purim story because of how gruesome it gets), or


• the idea that some believe there is an Amalek in every generation.

No, let's think about what the Amalekites did, they cut off the stragglers in the rear, those who couldn't be protected. I see it as kind of a metaphor for the people who don't have a voice, whether they don't know they could have a voice, or whether some wheels are so squeaky as to drown out the quieter folks, or even the ones who are afraid to say anything.

As we work through our tasks as leaders of the community, let's remember that it's important to hear all the voices of community, loud or quiet, front-runner or straggler.

It's Not Just About Equal Marriage...

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me. -Pastor Martin Niemoller

I am urging anyone who reads this to vote no on Proposition 8 on the California Ballot. This is the proposition that takes away the right to marry for same-sex couples in the state of California. The issue itself is deeply personal to me, however, it really is bigger than that of equal marriage, it is a Human issue.

Think about the door this opens if a simple majority of the electorate can change the State Constitution to deny rights to any minority group.

The Mormon church has pumped a ton of money into this campaign. While I respect their religious point of view, I would like to remind them of the persecution they faced in the early days of their religion (Nauvoo? Missouri?) and even in some cases now. They know what it's like to be segregated and persecuted. Why would they sanction taking rights away from a minority group?

I am proud that I was allowed to bring a motion before my synagogue's board recommending that we publicly oppose prop 8. In doing this, I pointed out that this is a human issue: the state should not be in the business of eliminating civil rights from any part of the population and it's a Jewish issue: we as Jews know what it is like to be singled out or entitled to fewer rights than the rest of the population.

Jews are not the only group that knows about being singled out and having their rights reduced, there are many populations in the history of the World and in the history of America. I encourage anyone who is a part of a minority group, or whose ancestors endured any kind of persecution, to think about the precedent we're setting with proposition 8 and to consider voting against this proposition.

Wow! How incredibly rude was that?!?!

The phone just rang. The caller asked for Mrs. Smith and I responded, "this is she." He identified himself as being from the "Republican Majority Campaign." To which I responded, you can remove our number from your list. He said it would cost $9.95 (or $995? lol) and they take all major credit cards. I hung up.

I knew republicans were corrupt, this proved it.

8/8 UPDATE: DH told me that Kelly from the Republican Majority called about 10:30 this morning. He says, "I told her that "you called last night and we asked you to remove us from your call list." She said, "OK, I can do that.""

I will never shop in San Mateo again!

I will never shop in San Mateo ever again and encourage anyone reading this to do the same.


The short story is that a meter at 4th and San Mateo Drive ate my money, so I didn’t have enough time on the meter to get in and out of the store I was going to (and I had no other change). I asked the City of San Mateo to review my case twice and they rejected it both times. San Mateo uses “old-fashioned” parking meters that you actually have to put money in the meter. Redwood City, on the other hand, has updated most of the meters downtown to allow you to use coins, bills, or credit cards. You can even pay via cell phone. And you can extend the time if you find you need more time. Most places don’t allow you to “feed” the meter.


This is a travesty. Their stupid meter ate my 20 cents and now I have had to pay them $25. I won’t shop in San Mateo anymore and I won’t go to Hillsdale Mall. Fortunately none of my doctors are in San Mateo anymore. I can find alternatives to the places I went to in their stupid city. Redwood City is improving, I work near Stanford Shopping Center, and don’t mind the occasional drive to Valley Fair in San Jose or Stonestown in San Francisco. San Mateo can take their faulty meters and shove them, they won’t get my tax revenue or goodwill any longer.

One-sentence journal

I read about keeping a one-sentence journal at the Happiness Project.

A few singular lines I want to record while I consider the idea of the one-sentence journal:

From one of my friends:

• consistency + a great attitude = success
• be a person of influence
• the positive person understands the journey is just as enjoyable as the destination

Missing my favorite TV show...

Which Grey's Anatomy Character Are You?

My Result: Dr. Miranda Bailey

Yes, Ma'am! You're always cool, calm, and very much in control, just like your Grey's Anatomy match Dr. Miranda Bailey. You don't worry about what other people think, and you know to trust your instincts. After all, someone has to be in charge, and it's a good thing someone as smart as you steps up to the plate.



Though some people may think you go a little overboard, you often know the best way to get things done, and you sure aren't afraid of a little dirty work. Without you, where would we be?

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=greysanatomyogt&c=50652

I finally read Harry Potter...

Okay, so 10 years after the start of the Harry Potter phenomenon, I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I was never interested in the books, probably the only person I know who wasn't. DH has read them, sister has, god-daughter has... but they've never sounded interesting to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE sci-fi & fantasy fan, I read Asimov and Heinlein from a young age and The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy around age 11, but Harry's adventures never interested me.

Until now... A friend is reading them with her son and recommended them saying it's a good story and an easy read.
So, on a recent business trip I grabbed the first book out of DH's library. I read it in a day, definitely an easy read and not a bad story.

I've told a couple people I didn't like Harry Potter. My sister's reaction was an incredulous, "You didn't like Harry Potter?!?!" Okay, maybe "didn't like" is a bit strong, but frankly I was underwhelmed. I expected something that would grab me and pull me into the story. That because I wasn't going to be home for two days after I finished the book, I'd go nuts waiting to get home to pick up book two. But none of that happened. I finished the book and came home and put it back in the library and picked up something else that isn't Harry Potter. (I've currently got my nose in four books, but will drop them all if I get Wild Fire by Nelson DeMille for Chanukah. I've been wanting to read it for over a year and wanted to pick it up in November when it came out in paperback, but I digress.)
My life will go on if I don't read the other six Potter books, but I'll be definitely disappointed if I don't get ahold of Wild Fire sometime soon.

Now, I've promised my niece that if she wants to read and discuss the books, I'm happy to continue, but I don't know if she's interested. If she's not, that's fine, I'll go on to the gazillion books sitting around here yearning to be read.

I honestly don't think I would have be crazy for Harry as a younger me. As I mentioned, I read Tolkien around age 11. I tried to get into the books around age 9, had a tough time and put them aside for two years. I just don't think Harry's adventures would have appealed to me then, either. Of course, by then I was reading my Dad's old Fantasy & Science Fiction magazines and books. Oh and Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine which is detective fiction. (Dang! They both still exist!)

Harry Potter definitely has done good in getting kids interested in reading that possibly wouldn't have been before. He's just not for me.

She Lived Up to Her Name...Risa

Risa is gone. We had to put her to sleep on November 15. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She told us on that Tuesday that it was time and we waited until Thursday so that her regular vet could be there. She was never in any discomfort, if she had been, we would have done it sooner. November 15 was 10 weeks to the day since her diagnosis. DH has more information on his blog.

Several people told us about the Rainbow Bridge. You can read it here. People told us about their beloved dogs who Risa will be playing with at Rainbow Bridge. I envision this as her new pack, at least until we can join her. Risa's new pack includes:
TK, Princess, Putt-Putt, and Kuma (my beautiful dogs when I was growing up)
Ting-Ling (DH's dog)
Schoep, Beschert, Trapper (Laurie)
Patch and Rusty (PastorDan)
Mooch, Wicket, Pepper, Simon, and Toby (SaraBeth)
Brillig (Brillig)
Dickens (Zoskie)
Erla, Ranger, and Scout (Sharon)

On my desk at work I have a picture of her and pictures of her in my screensaver slideshow. I can look at these pictures daily and smile when I think of her. However, at other times, I just lose it. I was organizing some papers one day and found a receipt from a vet visit earlier this year before this ordeal started... I burst into tears. The certificate from Bubbling Well (see aforementioned DH blog) came the other day. At first I thought I was okay and then I sat down and cried.

Risa sure lived up to her name, providing us with nearly 10 1/2 years of laughter and good times. After she went to sleep we sat and told stories about Risa and we still do, "Do you remember when Risa...?" And my line has been that we'll be vacuuming her fur from the carpet for years to come. <grin>

Bye baby dog, I'll miss you. Thank you for sharing your life and love with us.

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." -M. Acklam

Puppy Update (Pupdate?)

Tomorrow is six weeks since Risa's initial diagnosis and she is still with us.

We were hoping to avoid the vet this week. It's the first week since Risa's diagnosis that she has no vet appointments. But luck doesn't seem to be on our side...

We had a scare with Orion today. Doug came into my office with a very serious, very scary look on his face and said he wanted me to look at something. He proceeded to point out what felt like a lump on Orion's chest. Okay, I might have jumped to conclusions even if I didn't have a dog with cancer, but given everything we've been through, we both went into shock. We called the vet and got an appointment for an hour later. We spent the better part of that hour planning... if it's cancer, we're going straight to UCD; we're catching it early, etc etc. We stopped to think about cysts and maybe an infection, but were so sure what it could be. When we saw the doctor she first asked about Risa. (She performed surgery on Risa in July to remove a growth from her eye and her tonsils (both were benign). She felt bad about Risa and hadn't been updated, as we've been keeping in touch with a different vet from the practice for the cancer.) We pointed out Orion's lump and she said she thought it might be a lipoma, a benign fatty mass that is common to larger breeds. D'oh! Forgot about that possibility, Risa had one removed a few years ago when it started interfering with her gait. The doctor examined O-dog and then took her to aspirate it. She came back and said that it was in fact a lipoma. She had taken samples from two different angles and the results were the same. Doug asked just how confident she was in that diagnosis and she said extremely. We'll keep an eye on it to see if it grows, but they don't recommend surgery to remove it unless it's interfering with something. Tonight Orion starts the Shaklee supplements (Omega oils and antioxidants) that we started Risa on a few weeks ago. We've been talking about doing it, but nothing like a scare to really get it going.

All these vet visits, especially to UCD have made me think about vet school again. It's been a long time since I considered that (maybe high school?). Of course, then I remember why I never did the vet school thing, I don't get science. ("Damn it, Jim, I'm a technie not a scientist.")

Okay, I'm rambling.

Whew! Talk about an emotional rollercoaster.

I think I need to go decompress.

-hgs

I am thankful Risa is asleep at my feet...

Risa is the first dog I got as an adult. I'd grown up with dogs, four over the years: T.K. (German Shepard), Princess (mutt, still have no idea what she was), Putt-Putt, and Kuma (both Akitas that I used to show), but Risa is my first grown-up dog. We also have Orion, who is 3 years younger than Risa. So both of them are really my babies. That's probably why I was so upset when the events of September 6 hit. Not that losing any of the other dogs was particularly easy, but I think Risa and I have a bond.

On September 3, Labor Day, Risa stops eating her dinner. She's always been a picky eater, so maybe she didn't like the kibble anymore. Over the course of the next few days, she only picked at her dinner. Finally, on Thursday the sixth I suggested we contact the vet, something just didn't feel right. She had developed a limp, we thought it might be circulation, she had eye surgery and a tonsilectomy in July and her breathing after that seemed strange. So, we brought her in for the lack of appetite. Everything checked out normal, except the doctor noticed what felt like a lump on her throat, DH had noticed it earlier in the week, but we couldn't tell if it was abnormal or just part of the TONS of fur around her neck. The doctor took a few x-rays and found a spot on her lungs and an enlarged heart. I started crying when we saw those x-rays. The doctor asked us if she could keep Risa the rest of the afternoon, to do an ultrasound and talk to the internist in their office about what could be going on. The call we received later in the day was one of the hardest I've ever received and certainly not what we expected when we brought her in in the morning. They found a tumor in Risa's heart, which they diagnosed as hemangiosarcoma, a very aggressive type of cancer that could take Risa away from us in 4-6 weeks. They believed lump in her throat was probably a thyroid carcinoma and the spot on the lung could be metastasized from either one. Also, her heart was enlarged because the tumor was causing the pericardial sac around her heart to fill and not drain. They "tapped" her heart and took out A LOT of fluid. When we picked Risa up later that evening she was bouncing around like such a happy girl. I don't think either of us had noticed she had little energy. When we got her home, she devoured her dinner.

Over the course of the afternoon, while waiting for results was such an emotional rollercoaster. I was crying on the couch and flashed to an 11 year old girl 30 years ago who had just been told her companion TK would never come home. I think the screaming sobs were probably the same.

So, we walked out of the vet with the belief we had been given a death sentence, that all we should do is make Risa comfortable and enjoy her last days with us. She has been a faithful companion for 10 years. We started reminiscing about her quirks: how when she used to chew nylabones, she would chew pieces off and spit them into piles; how before Orion came along, she would "sample" her dinner... take 3 kibbles out of her bowl, bring them into the living room, spit them out, eat them one-by-one and then eat the rest of her dinner later; how she likes to unstuff toys (Orion does that too)... you get the idea.

Then, over the weekend, DH had an epiphany and started researching supplements. He put her on a regimen of antioxidants/carotenoids and omega oils. We also started talking about seeing a holistic vet and possibly an oncologist. Our primary vet also asked us to check in on a weekly basis.

We got to the holistic vet first, who just happened to be our old vet. Very cool. Risa was put on Chinese herbs to break up the tumor and control the bleeding in the heart-based tumor. She also started acupuncture. She's okay with that, as long as the needles aren't in her paws. Of course, she hates her paws to be touched anyway. The doctor also recommended a no/low-carb diet and told us that our little "fire dog" would do well with a celery, spinach, broccoli, and even a few carrots. (Carrots are good for the antioxidant properties, but have tons of sugar in them.) We experimented with a mixture of ground beef, celery, carrots, and spinach. We've moved her from beef to ground turkey and will try some red chard this week. Also, in talking her symptoms over with the doctor, we realized her limp back in June could have been a result of her enlarged heart. No proof, but she hasn't limped in some time,

At this point it's still an emotional rollercoaster, but have some hope that we can make her comfortable and maybe even stop the progression of the tumors.

So then we meet an oncologist. She explains how she would treat this if it were only the thyroid cancer (radiation, I think) and that there aren't many treatment options for the evil hemangiosarcoma. As we're talking she remembers a recent case where the dog had a heart-based tumor that ended up being metastatic thyroid cancer, not hemangiosarcoma. She explains a radiation test and treatment that sounds a bit "farout", but we were willing to pursue the test. UC Davis does the test, we would have to contact them.

So, we take her to UCD on September 26. Before doing the tech scan, they want to examine her, basically do the same tests, and a few more, as our vet did on September 6. So throughout a nerve-wracking day Risa was re-evaluated, they also took her to cardiology for an echocardiogram to see if they could get any info on the damn tumor there. Here's what we got:

they were able to confirm thyroid carcinoma in her neck (they successfully took cells from it); they drained her pericardial sac again and sent it for analysis (cancer cells were present, but they couldn't tell what type); the images of the heart-based tumor indicate it is more solid than they would expect a hemangiosarcoma, so it may not be, but there is no way to confirm this without a sample and that can't be done. So, while we could do the tech scan, they said it could be inconclusive because the metastatic tumors might not respond. They recommended surgery to cut a "window" into her pericardial sac so that the fluid could drain into chest for reabsorbtion, rather than buildup. We've been discussing whether it's the right thing to do and decided that it is. Risa is still here, she bounces across the room in her puppy way, she plays with her sister, she's clearly not ready to go. If we don't do the surgery, the fluid builds up, requiring periodic "taps" which are neither recommended as a best practice, nor fun.

We scheduled the surgery for October 10, one day short of five weeks from her original diagnosis. We bring her up to UCD on October 9 and meet with the surgeon. He explains what the plan is and that they want to keep her in ICU, the soonest we can pick her up is Friday. We spent three nights without her. Orion has never been the only dog at home and I think it was weird for her. She got lots of extra attention and treats, she was loving it. I think she sensed something about Risa, though... on Thursday morning I found her sleeping in one of Risa's spots, where she doesn't usually sleep.

The student on the case updated us that the surgery went well, Risa was in the ICU, her breathing was a bit heavy, they did a chest xray and found nothing unusual. We could pick her up Friday at 5 pm.

IT TOOK US OVER THREE HOURS, almost four, TO GET TO DAVIS!!! We thought we had given ourselves enough time. We had built in extra time to account for crappy weather and people wanting to get out of town on a Friday afternoon. But the weather REALLY SUCKED (I've only seen rain that heavy in Pennsylvania) and there were a few accidents. We get there to find out the doctor and the student were in emergency surgery. So, we didn't get Miss Risa until 7 pm. She was SO EXCITED to see us. She was bouncing and trotting and barking like crazy. By her behaviour you couldn't tell that she had just had MAJOR SURGERY 48 hours ago. However, you could tell from the funny shaving patterns and the netting that she was wearing, that caused DH to observe that she looks like an Asian Pear (they have netting around them in the store).

We spoke to the doctor and the student. She hadn't been eating, that doesn't surprise me, she's picky and has been eating home-cooked meals. She won't even eat plain kibble anymore, if it doesn't have cooked food, it needs cottage cheese. The surgery went well, we can take her to have her stitches in 10-14 days. The doctor touched the tumor and found it more solid than a hemangiosarcoma, so more confirmation that it probably isn't that evil thing. He told us what to watch for and sent us home.

So we got home to an excited and hungry Orion. We fed the dogs, Risa ate it all, picky picky. She has a t-shirt on right now, I'm concerned she's going to scratch her stitches and pull them right out. She's happy to be home, she went right to one of the blankets that she's claimed as her own and went to sleep. (She sleeps a lot since the diagnosis.) When I came into my office to check email, she followed me and curled up under my desk, at my feet. So, given everything that has happened in the last five weeks and one day, I am extremely grateful that she is here asleep at my feet.

kinda funny....

So, one night I'm working a Sudoku puzzle while listening to a Giants game and an ad comes on for some mortgage lender.  One of those questionable companies where they claim they have the best rate.  Well, I'm working my puzzle, not really paying attention to the ad, when I stop and write down what was said, "They put your interest first..."

Well OF COURSE they do, silly, they're a mortgage lender.  They frontload the damn interest in the early payments so I'm paying more to them than against my principle.

Okay, I thought it was funny.  :)

CNN Breaking News - NOT!

Wow, there is a verdict in the Padilla case, that should have just been delivered. And the breaking news story is that Jenna Bush is engaged to be married?!?!
Are you freaking kidding me!?!?! Going to cnn.com (waste of time) shows the Padilla story as a developing story (with a yellow banner) and the "breaking news story" in a red banner. Sorry, some girl getting married, even if she is the daughter of tstbp, is not breaking news over the Padilla verdict.
It may be news if she's preggers or marrying a woman since that flies in the face of republican "family values", but still...

Argh! Our priorities are so messed up!

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, August 16, 2007 11:04 AM
Subject: CNN Breaking News

-- President Bush's daughter, Jenna, is engaged to be married, the White
House says.

The problem with George Bush

I just figured it out!  I know the problem with George Bush!
Check out the headline at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070710/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush, it reads,

"Bush stands behind current Iraq policy".

Isn't it true that when you stand behind something, you're afraid of or trying to hide from something?

What is he hiding from?  What is he afraid of that he has to stand behind a failed Iraq policy?